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Christmas day. Up until now it has been a blur of busyness; preparation, care for ill family, travel. Yet I am at peace and wanting to give. Anything at the TV remotely to do with children or babies brings me to a place of emotion. I enjoy the books of wonder on my own children’s…

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Away day: work [A colleague] presented some of his PhD study about the aspect of being a healer. I have noted down in my book more questions that he asked rather than what were answers and I recognise that is a lot where I am. – What was that quality being offered? – What is…

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Sunday morning and my two youngest dress up as angels for the church service. I contemplate angels as significant not just in the Christmas story but in my life. I am sure I have met angels manifest as people but I am also aware that there is a ‘presence’ around me. I would like to…

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I attend an intrapartum day at the unit as ‘training’. It’s all an ‘acute’ issue and we have a role-play situation. Immediately I find myself at the ‘patients’ head and ‘communicating’- touching, speaking, and holding a hand. On reflection it’s clear that I am more comfortable with this sort of role, of supporting, rather than…

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I do another short shift on delivery suite. Suddenly I am thrown into ‘nurse mode’ caring for a woman in recovery who is pregnant but has had to have a gynae operation. I spend the time ‘being with’ her and her family, doing observations, holding her hand. I find myself trying to ‘pour love’ into…

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Post Supervision I am feeling more comfortable with the way this is progressing now. The process of engaging and interviewing the midwives feels to be an important one if I am going to maintain a holistic focus. Why am I so resistant to opening up this data? That is such a good question and very…

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Went to the primary school nativity play. As usual it gives me a feeling that Christmas is about to start and reminds me what the meaning of Christmas. What struck me was the Head said this time about Christmas being about love and the connection between parents and their children. It was reiterating something I…

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A shift on delivery suite. I was surprised at my fear and anxiety but I am pleased I over-rode that! But it was so busy- full and unable to go anywhere. I tried to consider what was happening about me. The reaction of the staff to the shift was one of horror, of negativity. They…

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So what was that all about? To go in and start talking about my confusion about the question and purpose of this- why should it bring up such an emotional reaction? It feels a bit like a ‘silly little girl’ saying ‘this is my research and you’re messing with it.’ But it’s also a showing…